IT WORKED ON MY MACHINE • ALL SYSTEMS NOMINAL-ISH
DAYS WITHOUT A MICROSOFT ISSUE
"The counter that never ticks up."
Frequently Asked Questions
❓ Will the counter ever reach 1?
Statistically, historically, and thermodynamically: no. Every time the universe nears hour 23, an unexpected Windows 11 restart occurs, Outlook prompts for your password 14 times, or Teams freezes during screen share.
🔄 How often is this counter updated?
Our serverless edge probes check 4,821,093 Microsoft services every 10 milliseconds. Whenever anything fails, crashes, reboots, asks for OneDrive backup, or hallucinates in Copilot, the counter resets from 0 to 0.
🛠️ What counts as a Microsoft Issue?
Including but not limited to: CrowdStrike Friday deployments, Excel converting scientific gene names to dates, unprompted Edge desktop shortcuts, Teams status stuck on "Away", and the Windows Troubleshooter saying "No problem found" while your audio is dead.
📉 What is the SLA?
We guarantee 99.999% uptime of this website displaying a 0. That's a higher uptime guarantee than Microsoft 365.